melissa

so it’s about 2:30 in the morning and i can’t get to sleep. randy just left about an hour ago. today was the birthday of me. it was fun i must say. got up, got ready, got about 29 phone calls from family and friends saying happy birthday, went to the mall, then out to eat with the family and the love. we went to fire mountain because i was feeling some steak. randy took me there before and i loved it so we went back.

my eye is very pink. my mother said it might be pink eye but it doesn’t itch or really hurt…its just kinda there. so i came home and randy put drops in it for me. it got worse. we’ll have to see how it is tomorrow.

had a good….i mean…great new years eve and new years day. eve…randy came over around 6 and we hung out for a while then i finished getting ready. we went over to his friend aj’s for a while. saw some people i haven’t in a while. melanie and mando. shes a nice girl. i like her. after that we headed over to lindsays where we drank a little before we went to masons party. randy drove and was very responsible. we went to masons and it was pretty cool. counted down with the love. oh it was so good. i love him. after about 2 hours or so there we went back to lindsays and drank some more. got hungry and wanted taco bell but it was closed when we got out there. so 4 o’clock rolled around and it was about time for me to go home. so he took me home and i was an emotional wreck. i dunno why i was crying…randall says it was because i was scared he was going to leave me…like break up with me….i dunno. bc of shit in the past. that could have been it. because im not gonna lie, it scares me to think that i will be without him again. anyways…he brought be home and put me to bed. hes seriously a good bf. he took care of me that night and im thankful for that.

so the next morning didn’t feel too good but i managed. got up and cleaned stuff up and showered. then randy came over and him and my brothers and i went to eat at zabros bc its good. and adams a tight kid. went to best buy where he bought me my birthday gift. a new laptop case in pink, i like it and something else for my laptop. i wanted them both. good bf. then we went to blockbuster and rented some movies. came back here, watched them and then i went to bed…and he left.

so like christmas…new years and my birthday were very good. this year is going good so far. hopefully it will stay that way for a long time

3 years is coming up for randy and i on the 23^rd of this month. yeah, long time. we’ve been through a lot of shit but when i really sit down and think about it…i don’t regret any second of it. yeah…

well im going to try to get to sleep now. i will probably just lay there for another hour and listen to music.

so i didn’t think this one would be very long. it was. sorry people.

here are some pics from new years and my birthday. i don’t care if anyone thinks bad of them...my last entry is what im referring to. don’t like them. don’t look. fuck off.
( together we'll ring in the new year )

christmas….came and went. good i must say…very good. im thinking it was the best christmas yet. now were on to the new year. that makes me happy. 2006. do you guys remember when it was 1999 and everyone was freaking out about 2000 and how the world was going to end? i laugh at myself now for thinking that. dumbass. it’s the 29^th…which means my birthday is about 4 days away. im excited but for different reasons than i was last year. i turned 18 last year. had more privileges and stuff. this is just 19…one year older. well according to lindsay it’s awesome because i can drink in canada. ha. crazy girl. not quite sure what were doing for my birthday. i might have a little something at my house. im looking forward to the gifts more than actually turning 19. the mother always gives us $100 plus however old we are in a card….so for those of you who couldn’t figure that one out…i would be getting $119 in a card. got it? yeah anyway…..

i got a ton of shit for christmas. from both the parents and randall. from the parents i received…tons of clothes, victoria secret perfume, ralph lauren perfume, hats, scarves, like 3 purses, family guy seasons, one tree hill box set, start wars movie (aniken is a hott boy), makeup bag, and other stuff. it was good. i bought myself some new puma shoes. they are…according to randy...”fresh.” yeah they are grey with pink outlining. i heart them.

then the love took me on a freaking shopping spree. lol. wasn’t expecting that but yeah. he bought me a few things without me knowing, then we just went to the mall and i picked out stuff bc he didn’t know what else to get. the day before christmas eve though, he let me open one gift which was a wireless router. that thing is freaking tight. i love being able to take my laptop anywhere in the house, and he said hes going to hook it up at central for me as well. such a nice boy. so that night we spent playing with that. he also got me an abercrombie polo in like a turquoise color, a new adidas bag, a black leather purse bc i needed one, a sweater which i wore on christmas eve to church, and some more pajama pants. he wanted to keep going but i stopped him. he was going to buy me this new bra from victoria secret but it was like $50 and id rather have something else worth that much. so i had a great christmas. not just because of the gifts but because everything went so well and no problems.

on christmas eve, my brother, randy, and i went to church at st. stephens. we showed up right on time at 6, but we had to stand up in the back of the church with like 15 other people. it was very packed. but im glad we went. art and randy don’t know how to be quiet when were in church. ha. silly boys. i love them though. after that we came back to my house and changed and then went to my grandmas where we would spend the rest of the night. we ate tamales (a mexican food) and opened out gifts around 12. it was fun. then we came back to my house and opened gifts at like 2 in the morning. i gave randy his stuffs. i didn’t get him as much as he did me. i got him a white polo from american eagle that hes been wanting. a brown sweater which i love him in. and another polo but in pink. later on i bought him another shirt from hollister and i plan on buying him more later on or next time we go shopping. i heart that boy. he ended up staying the night, so we were up till like 5:30 watching family guy and playing video games with the brothers. didn’t get up till 2:30 the next day and my dad made some good foods. we ate, he went home and then hung out later on that day with ben. so yes, it was a great christmas.

back to school on the 9^th. not looking forward to that. got my grades…didn’t do so hot in 2 classes. the other 3 i got a-‘s and a b+….but not in business calc. and accounting. we will keep that a secret for now. hopefully i will do better next semester. almost a month off, its going to be hard going back. linds and i said that were going to follow each other there and stay on the phone and cry with each other. lol. im coming home next year. yeap. not going to central. i will be attending saginaw valley. just didn’t like it there that much. i dunno. it would make things easier in many ways.

so other than that not much going on with my life. its just been really good. getting along with my parents, my brothers are cool as always, things are great with randy, and im pretty happy with myself. no fighting or arguing in a while. hopefully that’s how the new year will be. don’t know what my new years resolution will be. its gotta be something good. ive only got like 3 days so i better get on the ball. im happy right now. that’s good. you should be too.

yeah so this entry is effing long. i just realized that. if you stopped way up there. that’s fine. its not that important.

so everyone have a good new year. later dooooo daaaads. (stewie griffin) ha. 

( some pics on christmas eve and a few days before... )

not even 3 weeks and were broken up. cool...tight...rad...awesome!!! not. im sure everyone has heard one form of the story or another by now. i hope it got all changed up or someone lied about it so it makes me look even worse than what it already was. well we were doing good for a while...decided that being together was what we wanted and i started feeling guilty. why you ask? because there were secrets being kept from him that i felt he should know about. when we were broken up and at the beginning of the year, i did some things i shouldnt have...and by that i mean other boys. yes people...sit here and call me a slut all you want, i dont care ok...i did, but its old now, i know what i did and im not gonna try and sugar coat anything. so i decided to tell randy with the intentions of making things better. i thought by telling him we could start over and there would be no secrets or skeletons in the closet. i thought he would understand that im trying to make things right and good for us. i really was. i hated thinking of me lying to him and keeping it from it. well my whole thought backfired on me. he told me he didnt want to be with me. i guess i expected it but i thought we would be able to work something out. so i was called pretty much every name you could think of. i deserved it right? yeah. not gonna lie on that one. but what i thought i didnt deserve was to be told that the last 3 years of his life were a waste...a waste with me and on me. come on dude. how can you mean or say that. gotta admit...that hurt the most. even the "i hate yous", "i hope you dies", and the "if i ever see you im gonna..." didnt hurt that bad, or really get to me. i know everything is thinking oh you deserve it. but im sorry people fuck up sometimes and in my case ive done it a few. i was ready to make things work. i really was. and this was my last step before going on and living my life with this boy the way we used to be. he even admitted that everything was going fine, minus a few arguments, we figured everything out. i was ready, i was happy, i was gonna do this. now its all shot ot hell. im sorry that you couldnt bring yourself to forgive me for that. i thought it would make things better and easier for us. but like u said, you would have just not known at all. thats too bad because i would have wanted to know, no matter what the result was.

so now i sit here, im not sure if im sad, hurt, angry, depressed. its like a little bit of everything. its not like last time when i went crazy and was depressed for like a week. but im going to miss him. its hard to forget your first love. i wonder if ill ever get over him. i hope so, i hate hurting and wondering what it would have been like. do you think its possible to ever not love the person you spent so much of your life with, especially the prime years of your life? i was thinking...what if right now this is what i need. to be alone and without him and maybe when were older, when we've grown up more, we would or could work something out. i highly doubt thats what will happen but its just something i was thinking about. he told me that he was the best i will ever have. im not sure if i believe him or not. yes, ive seen other things that were out there and hes pretty much right. maybe there will be someone who treats me better and that i will treat better someday. we just hate waiting right? im just so scared...so hesitant...to start my life with someone else. i believe that randy played a big part in who i was, who i am. and if i do decide to start over with someone else, i wont know who i am anymore because i feel like i need him. so many people tell me i dont and sometimes i feel like i dont but i feel more like i do than dont. people say to think with your heart not your head. im trying to do both...and they are meeting me half way. so what do i do? but i guess it doesnt matter now anyway. maybe we were trying to hard to make it work out...like it wasnt meant to be in the first place. 2 years ago maybe, but not now? i dont know the answers to any of these questions and i hate sitting here thinking about them. so im gonna close it up.

ive got three more days of school left and 4 finals...not cool. but 3 weeks off will be good. i hope. its not gonna be as fun as i planned it to be...i had so many plans for christmas, new years, my birthday, 3 years. it sucks. ive got christmas presents to take back. thats gonna be hard...ill have my dad or someone do it for me. if i get through the holidays i might be fine. i have no choice right?

so if youre gonna leave anonymous ones bashing me...just save it. dont be so damn childish. you can at least leave your name, its ok, im not gonna try to kill you or anything.

so almost a year and i havnt touched this thing. im not even going to go through all the stuff thats happened in a year it would take forever. things happening now though:

-at CMU now, not liking it as much as i thought but its alright
-christmas is coming up and im so excited
-i hate walking to my classes which are like 15 to 20 min from my dorm
-havnt went out or partied in a while
-randy and i are back together (not sure how long that will last, hopefully forever)
-my mother and father are being easier on me with everything in life...and thats pretty cool
-my roommate rachael is pretty awesome...shes the one i like the most out of all of them
-lindsay and i are getting along again i guess...just a little whoah there for a while
-i heart my brothers
-christmas break 7 days for me, then 3 weeks off
-learning from mistakes...believe it or not
-i got a myspace and its kinda cool
-went to the tanner(yes i know im mexican and youre wondering why i would do such a thing...well it doesnt matter, mind your own business)and burned my back
-jordanne and i are kind of talking again...things were going bad in that department too. it seems like in the beginning of the year things were just so bad. i had my effing priorities mixed the fuck up and i did some stupid shit and made some stupid choices. sorry to anyone i hurt...unless you deserved it.
-got all my christmas shopping done...well i think i might get a couple more things for randallRO4
-its different being away from home, ive got a lot of freedom here and its almost too much sometimes. you just have to stay on task with your work. theres a lot of people drinking here and it kinda pressures you but you just gotta learn to say no. this isnt a bad school, yeah its one of the top partying schools but we learn as well people. so fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.
-so i havnt been to a movie lately...i want to go, i know its like $87 dollars to go see one but sometimes i like it
-speaking of movies...i watched chicken little with my brothers like 3 times this past weekend...yes we have a burned copy or whatever yall call it. one of the best movies ever. i laughed so hard.
-the parentals are arguing again...they always do this before christmas, boo that
-hung out with randall last weekend too, we went to adams and then back to his house...its been a while since ive been there, i missed the dog...just the dog, not the cat so much, not much of a cat person.
-so i was thinking i want a baby. not now, but i want one in the future. kids are tight, except when youre shopping and they are sitting in the middle of the isle crying and throwing a fit. i want to beat the shit out of them or put soap down their throat.
-i had a huge accounting project due today and the kid was supposed to send me his part of the project and failed to do some of the questions...i was pissed...and up doing it for a while. then one kid decided to just take part in any of it and expected me to put his name on the paper. you effing crazy. so i didnt.=)
-i want to see the movie "just friends" look good...oh and "walk the line"...that boy is hott, but colin farrell is hotter
-this girls b-day is in less than a month...like 26 or some odd days. its only 19...no special privileges but its still cool.
-then...if all goes well in the melissa-randall department...3 years would be on the 23rd of january. actually i dunno if were counting those couple months where we werent together because i was with other guys and him other girls. ill have to talk to him about it. i would like to though, because none of those people who i was with or he was with were important or mattered much anyway.
-yeah you probably think im a bitch...
-i am...or can be at least
-ok so i was going through all my pictures on here and i realized i havnt taken many recent ones. but i did find this...


doesnt this kid look like the kid from Paper Brigade...that old movie...well not that old. yeah hes in my computer classes and i told him he looks like him. its kind of funny. anyway...



i think thats it for now, i will be sure to update often. it was kind of fun witing in here again. later.

i got up around 12 which wasnt good. i went to bed at like 1:30 when randy left but i usually get up around 11 or so when i go to bed that late. well not today. that was so late. and the only reason i got up is because he called me and my brother woke me up. yeah. not alot has happened since the last entry. oh i took my pre-calc exam and it was a bitch. i dont know how i did. my friend scott is a pretty smart guy and helps me a lot in math and guess what he got on it. a C! yeah can you imagine what i got. i dont even want to think of it. i got a B on my anatomy exam but still ended up with an overall A- on the class so thats good. i want to hurry and get done with school and graduate. i was talking to randy yesterday and he said that his dad said after graduation they want to move to florida. and randy would have to stay here i guess and im like what?! then he told me today something different but i didnt catch what he was saying because when he called i was still in the process of getting up.

my mother and i are better. we fight and stay mad for a while then were back to normal. i hate fighting with her though.

today is 2 years for randy and i. well we dont really count that month or so that we broke up bc we were still talking like every single day. its hard to get away from that boy. i dont know why? haha. hes taking me to eat at the olive garden bc i love that place and so does he. after that im not sure what were going to do. i was going to go buy a camera but my dad wants to go with me bc he wants to makes sure im getting the right thing or something. i dunno i guess its a dad thing. im sure i could buy it on my own but ok. ha. i love my dad. its like no matter what he does or what type of punishment he gives me, i like cant stay or be mad with him. my mom i can though just bc, i dunno why.

so every year st. stephens (school my youngest brother goes to) has this thing called the winterfest, which is where they have all these games and stuff for the kids and parents go too. they have food and raffles and stuff. well the thing that a lot of people go for is the auction. all these people donate different things like cd players, gift certificates, cameras, clocks, gift baskets, and much more. and you buy tickets and put your name and number on them and put them into the jar that has what you want to win on it. then at the end of the night they draw. so i bought $10 worth. which was 20 tickets. i put in for the cd player and stereo thing and diff stuff. well i also put in for the apple ipod they were auctioning off. i put in like 6 out of the 20 tickets. omg that jar was packed. this one girl was like "i put $10 worth of tickets in there" which was 20 tickets like said before. so that definitely lowered my chances of getting it. well they saved the best for last and called the ipod like 3 things before the last prize and i was like mom can we just go home my feet hurt from standing and shes like well lets just see who gets the ipod and then we will go. well my brother like tapped me on the shoulder and he was asking me if this one kid standing in front of me looked like a certain kid from school and im like trying to look and then i hear "melissa amador"...not even paying attention to what was being auctioned off and then my mom is like omg and they were like that was for the ipod. and i didnt believe it at first so they are like go up there and i did and i got a silver ipod. that was pretty cool bc those things are so expensive and i have been wanting one ever since my brother bought one. well i got one for like under $10. i thought that was pretty awesome. so yesterday randy and i went to his house and he put like 700 songs on there for me and he was ripping some from my old cd's and putting them on there. i had to be home by a certain time so we only got the 700 songs from the comp and some from the cd's. we have to finish that. then we got pizza and came back to my house.

thats pretty much it. not to much. back to school tomorrow and i dont really want to go. i dont get the kids tomorrow bc they are sick. they are always sick. i had them for so long last week. since i didnt have exams to take on wed and thursday and i had no school on friday, i was getting them at like 8 or 9 in the morning instead of at 1 like normal time. it was good though bc i ended up getting like $140 for the week. oh i dyed my hair and it came out too dark. so i have to fix it today. randy will be coming over today to help me do that. weird huh? that he dyes my hair. yeah. hes a little funny. ha. yeah right. thats all for now. i should update more often, even if i dont have much to say.

missy

like always...its been a while. before christmas was about the last time. you know i had a really long entry on here and i was going to post it but wasnt quite finished so i left the computer on and the entry up. well my brothers decide to come and get on and well i came back and it was gone. like they couldnt just leave it up here or ask me to get rid of it or something. yeah so after that i just kinda lost hope and said screw it. it seems like so long ago but christmas was pretty good. got pretty much everything i wanted and more. my mom said that i got the most out of my two brothers and i. but i should right bc im the oldest and im a girl. ha. jk. yeah i got the main thing that i wanted which was the O.C. season one. oooohhh so good. i love it. since we celebrate our christmas on the 24 and kinda carry it into the 25 at like midnight, christmas day we got up in the morning, ate breakfast and opened our gifts. so the rest of the 25th i watched the O.C. this next thing is kinda crazy and you are gonna be like holy shit shes weird. well, i stayed up until 7 in the morning watching the O.C. yeah. and i only got through like episode 15 out of the 27. it was great. i was too into it to turn it off and then my brother came downstairs and yelled at me to go to bed. not cool. i got lots of clothes. a watch set thing, like one watch with three bands. its cool. i got a cd, slippers, gift certificates, a bracelet, a lot of jewelry from my mom, she knows how to pick out some good stuff. and then they gave each of us $300 which was pretty cool. i owed my mom $100 so there went almost half of that. my grandma gives all of her grandchildren $100 in an envelope bc its kind of hard for her to go shopping for like 10 of us plus her 5 children and there husbands and wives. so that was pretty cool. oh i had a $140 cellphone bill to pay as well so there went another 100. randys christmas gift to me was hella tight. he got me a autographed picture of the O.C. cast (marrisa, ryan, summer, and seth) from online and it looks just like their signature and you can tell its theirs bc the marker goes from like light to dark. i dunno how to explain it but its cool. and i bought a frame for it and its in my room. he also got me a hoodie thing and this vest that i wanted really really bad from american eagle. i loved it. when it comes to getting cool stuff for christmas, hes pretty good.

then 8 days later was my birthday. the 2nd of january. i turned 18 and it was pretty cool. got up went to church and then went out to eat with the family and randy. it went well, but it didnt really feel like my birthday. we had a party the weekend after which was like the 8th or something. i invited the family and some friends. it was a good turnout as well. jordanne and dustin bought me a ton of things. i got the DVD "day after tomorrow", a little lamp for my room. some picture frames and thats it. lindsey got me this thing from victoria secret that looks like a huge blush brush but its body shimmer and it smells good. i like it. my parents gave me the usual $118, how old we are is how many ones they put in the card along with a hundred dollar bill. my grandmas gave me the same amount, so all that cash i spend after christmas i gained it all back. i want a camera. i saw jords and its the same one as we had the only diff is that hers works and mine doesnt. the flash wont go off. so i think im going to go and buy one. i want a new comforter for my room bc the one i have doesnt match. oh yeah...speaking of room, randy bought me this rack kinda thing for my room. its like 6 cubes and you can put them together however you want and it has those like basket things to go in it. i cant really explain it but its really cool and good bc i needed something to put like sock and underwear and stuff in bc i got rid of my dressers when i redid my room. so my holidays, new years as well, went very well and im glad its a new year.

school has been alright. we got back from break and the teachers were nazis and gave us loads of hw and test. not cool. but then the week after was exam review week so they took it a little easier. our exams started last friday. that was our first one. and they continue tuesday, wednesday and thursday. seeing as i only have 4 classes i only have to take 4 exams. but our english one we took early bc it was just vocab bc we turned in a 5 page paper which was the other half. so we took the exam early so i dont have to go wednesday. also, in our philosophy class, if you have a A- or better you dont have to take it. i had an A+ on progress reports so i definitely didnt have to take it. so that left me with 2 exams. i took one on friday which was honors anatomy and i think i did pretty well. the one im dreading is my honors pre-calc on tuesday. i hate that class. surprisingly im getting a B overall but i think the exam is going to kick my ass. i have that tuesday and then im done with exams. cool stuff.

not too much cool stuff going on right now. its middle of january and i still have 7 months until i start college. i wish it was sooner. im getting kind of tired of my mom. we got into a fight yesterday. we never like actually yell and scream at eachother like we didnt. i never say anything to her bc i know is way beyond able to consequence me and the first thing she will do it take randy away like before. and im 18! wow right? well i dont get treated like i am. i feel like im about 13. she needs to chill out sometimes. she is always mad at the family and has an attitude bc shes unhappy about something. but as soon as one of us shows the slightest attitude, its like the end of the world. that not cool. i guess for now i just have to deal with her. that why i feel when i go off to college, ill be like close to home bc CMU is only an hour away but i will be far enough away so i can kinda live life how i want to.

spring break is coming up. i was going to go with lindsey but there has been a change of plans. the ticket is $600, spending money about $300-400, and then clothes to go there about $100 at most. that a grand total of about $1,000. i have money, like half of it but i dont want ot ask my parents for anymore than they have to. i mean my mom still have $400 in senior pictures to pay. she just gave me $125 for my CMU registration, all that christmas money, and then my birthday. i feel bad that i have to tell her i cant go and i dont want her mad at me, but i mean that a lot of money and i need to save up to have like spending money for when i start college. you know you just feel safer knowing you have that extra $2,000 or so in your bank account for when you need it for like extra things there. it has nothing to do with tuition bc i wont even have close to what i need for that. i just dont want to spend $1,000 on a trip to cancun. were not the wealthiest people and if i can help my mom and dad out or save them money i will. so lindsey if you read this again, im sorry.

my babysitting job as been going pretty good. all the money i make im putting it away. ive never saved so much before. its kinda cool. i love the little boy i babysit. although i continue to call him the little devil child i love that kid to death. im gonna miss him when i go to college. hes getting more and more attached to me everyday, and me to him. the other day i was laying down watching tv and he was playing with his toys on the floor next to me. he decided he was done and he lifted his arms for me to pick him up. so i did and he layed right on top of my stomach/chest and fell asleep. thinking about it makes me smile. i love him.

i know i always save randy for the last but that doesnt mean anything bad. we have been doing alright. some arguments here and there but we have managed to get through them. been spending a lot of time with him. watching movies and just relaxing like usual. those are the best times though, you know. we had breakfast with jord and dustin after exams on friday. we got out at 9:45 so we had time. it was so funny, jord makes me laugh. its funny how we were the only two laughing while our boys sat and stared like "what the hell?" lol. i love it. randys working right now but he gets out at 3:45 and if all goes well we plan to go out kinda shopping and to eat. i dunno. no school tomorrow which is hella tight but i have to study for that pre-calc exam so thats pretty much my whole day. i need to go clean my room and do some laundry before i go.

this is a really long entry.

missy

( survey )

short update...

yeah...whoever decided to be cool and print off that part in my journal about someone in the last entry...youre so cool. and then give it to the assistant principal? what the hell? um...isnt this journal my own and i can say whatever i want in it? does it have anything to do with school and getting our assistant principal involved? the answer is no! thats pretty gay if you ask me. but yeah i guess i cant leave anymore stuff in here about people because it "gets around too quickly and back to the person." oh well...ill just make the entries private the next time i want to express my feelings about someone. oh and i didnt get in trouble by the way so what you did was pretty pointless. hope you got a big old kick out of it!

so...this past week has been quite eventful. some good some bad. as you have probably read in poor randys journal...we are having some rough times again. and were not even together! imagine that. i thought i broke up with him to get away from all of that. guess not. so i decided to end it for good. i cant take him anymore. and hes all hurt and stuff and all i have been doing is lying to him because im afraid hes gonna get pissed at me for hanging out with certain people and stuff. him and jordanne are convinced that i changed and am a different person. randy more than jord but they still believe it. i have somewhat but i mean its not bad or anything. i havnt been hanging out with jordanne as much and i kinda regret that but im trying ok. im trying to be happy and live my life as normal as possible. but to some people thats the wrong way.

friday went to the nouvel hockey game. it was kinda bad. we lost. we were also missing like 5 guys and that would have kinda helped. oh did i mention that were also missing ryan fallon which makes a big difference. ha. yeah he was good. then went to jordannes house afterwords and played with her puppy then had to go home. oh we went to eat at pizza hut before the game as well. it was good. then someone showed up unexpectedly.

football game saturday at 1 in clare. it was such a good game. 21-20. we needed the field goal but that fell through. congrats guys on making it that far. went to a party saturday night after the spirit game and people were pissed and decided to follow me afterwords to the party and such. not cool. guys...dont be stalkers...girls hate it. that really pissed me off. and to top it off...this person decides that it would be cool to call the police on the party that i was at! yeah that made me really mad at really drew the line. so the rest of that night i was pissed and such. thats when i ended it.

sunday i went to church and had a birthday party to attend. nothing too cool happen that day. oh...i got accepted into CMU and SVSU. im pretty sure im going to CMU. lindsey and i visited there last thursday and it was so cool. i seriously cant wait to go to college.

yesterday i studied my butt of for my anatomy test which i took today and think i did really well on. randy called screaming at me last night that someone egged his car. he insists that its aaron and his friends because they got their cars egged on saturday and he thinks that they think its randy. yeah so he told me that three guys ran off to the kmart parking lot and im like ok. he said hes going to kill them if he finds out. ok? i called aaron and asked him if it was him and he didnt answer his phone bc they were in a mandatory meeting and didnt get out till later. so randy chill out.

bitched out jill wendzik(sp?) today at lunch. she goes back and tells randy everything i talk about at lunch and stuff so today i asked her why and she said she didnt want to talk about it and after arguing with her for like 10 minutes she finally just got up and left and while leaving called me a f***ing bitch. oh well. maybe she should go take some more ecstasy and other drugs and throw away her life.

seems like things are kinda bad but maybe its just bc all of this drama crap going on with like randy and me and other people. well thanksgiving is coming up and that shall be fun. i love this time of the year. and then a month from tomorrow is christmas eve so that is coming fast. i cant wait till christmas...the the birthday. im going christmas shopping with my brother this weekend for like my family and stuff. we decided that were gonna get up really early and get breakfast and then go shopping for like 3 or 4 hours. i love my brother.

yeah so im gonna wrap all this up and go look over math notes for tomorrows quiz. talk to you all later.

so since september 25 a lot has happened. not like anything really specific but well its been almost 2 months so stuff happens. um...school has been going pretty good. had homecoming on the 16th and randys on the 23rd...which was also our year and 9 months. sadly to say...i broke up with him the next day. yup. again. you are all probably like ohp again, she always does this. that may be true but this time i planned to stick to it. i must admit that its kinda hard. i mean spending that much time with a person and fighting so hard to be with then and then just breaking up seems kind of stupid. but i had to do it. its what i wanted and what i kinda needed. randy isnt taking it too well obviously. i mean we still talk on the phone and stuff. he came over to fix our computers last week and he ended up staying till like 12. it didnt bother me although it felt kinda weird having him there like old times. everyone keeps saying that we will get back together. i dont know what to say about that. right now that isnt want i want at all. i just dont want the obligation and stuff. and i dont want to bad talk him in here but his attitude and ways of dealing with things were becoming a little too hard to deal with. we're good friends right now and i like things this way. ive made new friends as well. i have been hanging out with lindsey graham a lot lately. shes a pretty awesome girl. some people think that shes 'totally changed me' but i beg to differ. she just brought out the fun, outgoing, hanging out with friends and being single me. ha. as weird as that sounds. we have been going to the spirit games lately as well. they're fun.

so i met this guy...his name was aaron. he plays for the spirit and goes to nouvel. he sat next to me at lunch a few times because we always used to sit at 'their table' and we used to fight with them over it. well i had no intention of ever talking to this guy or anything. let alone get involved with him. so he started talking to me more and like a stupid i let myself get sucked into it. he was hott so i was like what the hell. yeah. not the best idea. so he asked for my number and i gave it to him....thinking he wouldnt call. well he did and i was like um ok. so we hung out with lindsey and a couple other people. it meant nothing because i mean it wasnt like i wanted this kid like that. well we started hanging out more and that wasnt good because i still has randy as the bf. well like 2 weeks before homecoming is when things started to get kinda bad with randy and i and we hung out like once a week. my intentions were to break up with him but i didnt want to do it before his or my homecoming because i thought that was kinda mean. well around my homecoming is when i started hanging out with aaron and eventually broke up with randy. and no people, i didnt break up with randy for aaron...it just so happen that during the time that randy and i were having some rough times, aaron popped into the picture. i did some things i shouldnt have and totally screwed randy over. im sorry for that by the way. as much as you dont want to believe me. cheating is bad....thats all i have to say. so i went to a haunted house with aaron and some friends and hung out and stuff. it was fun...im not gonna lie but at the same time it felt kinda weird. well some things led to another and i decided to tell him that if he was going to be hanging out with me and be like he was with me...that i didnt want him doing stuff with other girls. and you guys know exactly what i mean...i.e. having sex, making out, touching/feeling kinda deal. yeah that stuff. and guess what he told me...."well i cant guarantee that" what an asshole right? yeah. i was kinda mad but i just kinda let it go and said well we will still hang out and lets see if anything changes. well i guess i spoke too soon because the next monday in school...which was like 4 days later...there was another girl all over him at lunch. and to top it off. shes a freaking sophomore. hes a senior by the way. no offense to anyone but i mean why must you stoop down to a sophomore? hes a very good looking guy too and she....shes not too cute. sorry, i dont want to sound like a bitch but its just my opinion. well i guess it bothered me but the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that he didnt even tell me it was over. like he just started talking to this other girl and hanging out with her. his friends told me that i scared him away by saying i wanted a relationship when i didnt say that. i had just got out of a year and 9 month relationship, why would i want to jump right into one. i was just seeing what else was out there. so i was like ok whatever. i still dont know what i did wrong and i guess i never will. maybe its because he couldnt keep his freaking dick in his pants and felt the need to be with every other girl he possibly could? i dunno. but yeah hes gay. oh and to top it off...i got my cell phone bill today and it said long distance charges $35.00. i was like what the hell i dont call anyone long distance. well little spirit boy fag aaron lives in illinois which means his cell phone was in an illinois number and thats out of state so everytime i called him or he called me...i was charged. yeah im pretty pissed now bc i see now that it wasnt even worth it because hes gay and decided to go for a girl who know one knows why hes with. yeah. i know some people didnt really want to or cared to read that but its my journal and i wanted to get it out.

so besides that....my life has been going pretty good. my grades are good...we got report cards today, ended up with a 3.6 GPA and the parents were pretty happy with that. my mom tried to give me money for my grades but i told her no because i dont think you should be rewarded like that for good grades, you should just get them to get them. oh today i also turned in my college applications to the guidance counselor. i applied to SVSU and CMU...im going for accounting. so cant wait to get those back. social life is pretty good, family life is the same(which isnt bad), friends...have made a new one but continue to love the old one. her and DRK are really cute by the way...dustin made me cry with some of his words...jordanne you got blessed with a wonderful guy and im so happy for you...i will find that happiness again one day. i promise.

this wednesday i went with the principal to lunch at this thing called the Optimist Club. i guess its where a principle or teacher or something picks two student from the whole school who they think should be awarded for their like good work, personality, being nice to people, on time and stuff. well the principal, mr. szewczyk decided to pick me and another guy named craig from the school to go. it was nice. we got to get dressed up and stuff and then went there to eat and then there were speakers and then we were called up to get certificates from someone. my parents went and it was pretty cool. that day, which was wednesday, they announced in first hour that no classes were going to be held in the annex because something was going on with like electrical stuff and so those classes had to be held in the gym. can you imagine. i mean i know our school only consist of like 480 students but still thats like 8 classrooms in the gym. so it just wasnt working out so they sent us home and we didnt even have school thursday because it was going to take longer to get the problem fixed. so that was pretty cool.

im still babysitting which isnt that bad. i get frustrated a lot with the baby because he is all over the house and i hate being on my feet the whole 4 hours i have him. i dont watch the little girl anymore because i guess she wanted to be with her aunt. i guess thats fine...she was a devil anyway. jk.

i remember saying that when my room was done i would have pics up here but i never took them and with my luck...the camera broke and there is no more flash. thats not cool.

my birthday is not that far away. ok well maybe kinda...january 2nd. i used to have birthday parties in like 6 and 7th grade at brockway roller rink where my parents would rent out the whole thing for about 2 or 3 hours and we could invite anyone we wanted. they were so fun back then..well....i decided that im brining that back for my 18th birthday party. lol. im not kidding either. i asked people what they thought and everyone said that they would come. i think it would be kinda cool. and funny. i gotta get some new rollerblades because mine do not fit anymore. thats crazy that im going to be 18 in less than two months. then off to college. im actually excited for college.

wow this is kinda long. oh well. im going to the football game tomorrow. 1:00 @ nouvel. be there! its gonna be a good game. then church, then to a show with randy. i have been wanting to see your best friend for so long and i was kinda disappointed that i couldnt go to the last show. so tomorrow shall be fun. i probably left some stuff out but im tired and i think ive written enough. ill keep yall updated.

love,
missy

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in three random words.
8. What was your first impression of me.?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me, what was i wearing, and did you tihnk it was cute?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't, or thought it was too gay?
15. When's the last time you had a tetnis shot?
16. Do you know what my favorite color is?
17. Do you really care about me?



i just filled this out in jords journal and decided to put it in mine. fill it out.


as for updating...i havnt in a while, but i will very soon.

comment if you want to be added. i was just tired of all those stupid people leaving stupid comments so i made it friends only. but if you're not gay and you comment, i would be more than happy to add you. ha. thanks randy for helping me put this together.